It feels like this year is slipping away from me in one long, monotonous stretch of time. I’m plodding through days only to look up and see we’re beginning a new month. Every time I think to the future, I think about looking back on 2020 as a wasted year, one where I sat at home, gained some weight, and watched a lot of Netflix. That makes me feel shitty, so I’m hoping that by documenting some of it, I’ll feel less shitty. I really hate feeling shitty.

So, hey. This is a Year, right? I know, I know - time is a construct and the clock striking midnight on December 31 won’t magically change anything, but still. It’s been a quick succession of lots of Bad Things happening all year, both on the micro and the macro level. Let me list some to get that out of the way:

There’s the pandemic, of course. What a nightmare. Then we have systemic racism which is not new to 2020 but has a renewed movement battling it, or at least the movement has spread to my little white bubble. Also, Trump is still president and our democracy is basically crumbling around us. That’s not new this year either, but it’s a lot more visible. Everything on the West Coast is on fire. Also, there’s been a lot of death this year. Yes, yes, from COVID (and fires), but also separate from that. Touching the fringes of my life in a way that’s really sad, but not really directly impacting me, which is kind of a metaphor for everything bad happening this year.

I’m fine, really. Nothing that bad has happened to me, and yet, pretty much everything still sucks. I’m a super positive, inherently optimistic person, so feeling like everything sucks is extremely uncomfortable for me.

Let’s get more comfortable. Here are some good things this year:

I moved into a cute little house with a second bedroom, just in time for me to be sent home to work indefinitely. I am infinitely grateful for the timing of my move! I got a raise at the beginning of this year and, with most socializing shut down, I’ve been able to reassess my budget and focus more on saving than I ever have. My dog, Luna, has increased her cuddliness from The Most Aloof to Prefers to Sit Next to Me. I consider this a huge win! Without an office to go to and social events to attend, I’ve reconnected with some really old friends. I moved around a lot growing up and I’ve always felt a little root-less, so nurturing friendships with people who “knew me back then,” is really special to me.

So, here we are. Maybe you’d like to check back every so often to read what I’m writing. Maybe not. Either is fine; I’ll be here, rekindling my ridiculous website and trying not to lose touch with an entire year of my life.