You know that hole Drea talked about last week? The one where everything sucks and nothing’s going right and all your feelings are negative and so noisy and you don’t want to leave your apartment or even your bed and you especially don’t want to put on pants?
Well, I fell into it. I’m pretty much curled up at the bottom of it, actually. Not wearing pants.
I’ve been teetering on the edge of it since my most recent job loss, but then I went on an amazing vacation and still came back to … well, more “vacation” … and pretty much tripped from JFK directly into that black hole of misery and self-pity.
God, is there anything worse than feeling sorry for yourself? I’ve been having this pity party all week and it’s so miserable no one else has even shown up. Which obviously makes me feel even sorrier for myself. (I did not realize sorrier was going to be a real word. Huh.)
Anyway, all the negative feelings are pretty much clouding my entire being. And it’s so hypocritical, too, since I just gave Adam a huge pep talk on how complaining too much is detrimental to your sanity and how if you start speaking positive things, your mind will eventually catch on and start believing what you’re saying.
Hi, my name’s Sara and I like to give smart advice and then ignore it completely for myself.
Some of my negative feelings include frustration, sadness, anger, anxiety, and helplessness. None of those are fun and they all feed into each other and create this vicious negativity cycle so that my black hole of misery is also a tornado.
This tornado-black-hole-of-misery is also making it really hard for me to interact with other people. I’ve never had anxiety about leaving my apartment, but this week every time I step outside my door I want to run back into my room and close the curtains. All I want to do is sit on my bed, wallow in sadness, not speak to anyone, and never put on pants again.
But here’s where I know I’m actually really lucky. No one’s coming to my pity party because they all know better. My friends love me so much, they’d never dream of feeling sorry for me. They believe I can do anything, that I will be great at anything, that I can pull myself out of the hole as soon as I’m ready to see sunlight again. I’m so, so lucky to have these people in my life who refuse to RSVP “Yeah, I’ll totally come wallow in your misery and help you feel bad about yourself.”
Instead, they say, “You will be great. You ARE great. And you are doing amazing things.”
Now, if only this negative-feelings-tornado would move on so I could start the climb up this dirty wall of misery.
Well, first off, you have being a wonderful blogger going for you.
Second, you have to ask yourself why exactly you are feeling down. If it’s just that you lost your job, then ask yourself why is that bad a thing (being unemployed is actually enjoyable, also look into unemployment benefits). Begin to remedy the situation by updating your resume and learning a new skill pertaining to your interests.
I usually avoid the no pants pity party by having a no pants “I’m cool” party. It’s a mental game. It could be a bad situation but I refuse to let myself reduce me.
You are awesome! But I think you know this already.
Great post and good luck with the tornado.
You know what you want to do, AND you’re taking the leap to move across the friggin country. That kinda equates to you = pretty amazeballz.
Been there. I think a lot of us have. And here’s the thing: sometimes it doesn’t matter how many people tell you you’re awesome, something inside you has to click before you can get out of the tornado zone. Sometimes people telling you how great you are actually makes you feel worse. And honestly, sometimes you just have to strap yourself to a pipe in the barn and ride it out. So, tell yourself how brave you are and then maybe put on some pants and do big things. Or don’t put on pants. That’s okay too. Either way, remember you have a ton of amazing cheerleaders who have your back.
I read this post out loud to myself in my own voice and pretended you were talking to me. Just saying. I hope you’re starting to feel better! I’m sure this is a tough time. Just know that there’s a community here in California who would love to have you.
I’m not going to feel sorry for you. I’m just going to say that I definitely had times like this while unemployed and that I know you’ll get through them. It’s not easy, having so much alone time with your thoughts. :) Hope this weekend in D.C. helped cheer you up!
I feel like there’s something about this spring that is bringing people down. I was in the hole for a while too, totally stuck at the bottom unable to get out. It had been a long time since I’d felt that way and now I feel like so many blogger friends have been in the same pit. If only it was better lit down there, we would have at least known we weren’t alone.